../Was it Worth Giving Up on God?

September 19, 2022 • 1 min

I have been a Christian Baptist since I was young. I wondered: if God’s existence is a fact, why many people do not believe in “his” existence? Do they want to burn in hell for eternity? In this search for, so called, truth, I eventually became an atheist for some time. As I grew more mature, I realized that “that” approach was also faulty when I asked myself this question: can I be 100% sure there is no God? Ultimately, one thing certainly became clear: there are no answers to these questions that are the scale of the universe.

I was a naive/lost child on the quest to find the answer to Life, Universe, and Everything. I am not sure if I gained or lost from this journey. Believing in God made everything clear. Now, I am just feeling lonely in the vast space of the Universe.

There is a feeling of being finally free. But the ultimate question still stands: was it worth it? Knowing that God is watching over you was comforting. Everything you do, you do with the help of God. Something unlucky happens? God must have punished you for something. Now there are just no answers to these things (there are, they are just hard to see) - just silence.

The unfortunate thing is there is no way to come back. I went from, “I believe God exists,” to “God’s existence is so unlikely.” Non-religious people might not understand how profound that is, since God is a joke to them, anyway. You have to realize that Christians believe in God - it’s their compass through life. Imagine you lost that compass? Well, you are lost too, then. This is the sort of Existential Crisis that I am in lately.